Recently, a friend of a friend shared a sad story of how a large, close-knit family was torn apart at the seams by a dispute when the matriarch of the family passed away.
It could have been avoided; that is the unfortunate part.
There were ten adult children in the family. At the end of her life, their aging mom wanted to stay home. No nursing home for her; however, she needed almost full-time care. One of the daughters, a nurse, stepped up, quit her job, and took on the role of caregiver in her final years. She received compensation. All were in agreement on that. Those who still lived in town contributed when they could—taking mom to doctor appointments, running errands, bringing in meals, and providing respite visits for their sister. Everyone got along. Until their mom quite unexpectedly passed away. Another daughter (not the caregiver) had been appointed executor of the estate and dutifully began handling her responsibilities. It was at this point when things started to fall apart.
The executor and the others all knew that their caregiver sister had relied on the income she received as their mom’s caregiver. No one resented it; it was certainly less expensive than a nursing home, and they were all pleased their mom got her wish to “die at home.” One would not expect what happened next.
The sister serving as the executor made a decision that divided the family.
What was that decision? She gave her care giving sister a month’s severance to tide her over until she could find another job.
To you and me, that might seem a reasonable thing to do. However, some of the siblings were outraged by that action. Why pay her after her duties were finished? The siblings immediately began taking sides on the issue, some agreeing it was the right thing to do, others calling it “stealing” from the remaining estate. While no legal action was taken to try to reverse this decision, it divided the family and caused an estrangement that lasts until today.
This is a sad example of an estate plan that is “almost” perfect. Clearly, it paved the way for the caregiver sister to be compensated for her time. It included the appointment of an executor of the estate. But it failed to cover the potential issue of severance for the caregiver sister. And while I have no idea how much money that was, it doesn’t matter. It illustrates that even a small amount of money can become “the principal of the thing.” This is why, when I meet with my clients, I encourage conversations about “what ifs” that cover a variety of potential scenarios. This sad situation could have been avoided had this estate plan included financial arrangements for the severance. Let’s meet if you need to update or create your estate plan. We can talk about the “what ifs” so if something happens to you, your loved ones already know what you wanted and authorized, so ideally, there aren’t any disputes. No one wants that for their children. Call me at 513-399-7526 or schedule a consultation through my website at www.davidlefton.com.