As an estate planning attorney, I am asked many questions, from whether a trust is a good thing to have to if a will is essential. One question I often get from clients is how they can convince a loved one to write their will. Perhaps they have a loved one, such as a spouse, parent, or sibling, who refuses even to discuss it. I have heard it all in terms of excuses why those individuals don’t have a will and won’t take steps to write one. Often, they attempt to placate by saying they’ll get to it next week, next month, or next year. Of course, that excuse can only go on so long. Some try to claim a will is unnecessary, saying things like, “Everything will go to you anyway; why do you need a piece of paper to say so?”. Others try to shut the discussion down with angry retorts, such as, “I’ll do it when I want to; get off my back!” Yep, it’s not easy. If you find yourself in this situation, here are my top three tips on how to convince that loved one to take that step to get their will done.
TOP TIP #1 FRAME IT AS A GIFT OF CLARITY, NOT A MORBID TASK
For example, “Writing a will isn’t about dying; it’s about protecting the people you love from confusion, stress, and perhaps unnecessary expenses.” No one wants to think about their death; spin the conversation to focus on gifting the family with a roadmap so they aren’t burdened. Emphasize the peace of mind they’ll have once it’s done.
TOP TIP #2 SHARE REAL-LIFE EXAMPLES AS CAUTIONARY TALES
This can work well if you know of some examples that are close to home: a relative who passed away without a will, and the family fought over everything. If nothing comes to mind on a personal level, there are plenty of celebrity estates gone wrong due to lack of or poor planning. Old wills, missing wills, no wills. These examples illustrate how dire things can become for loved ones when the departed don’t have their affairs in order. (A quick Google search will turn up several examples, from Prince to Michael Jackson to Abraham Lincoln… yes, even Mr. Lincoln, an attorney, died intestate!)
TOP TIP #3 EMPHASIZE HOW SIMPLE & EMPOWERING IT CAN BE
Some will use excuses related to time and cost. This is when you can make a case that it doesn’t have to be costly or time-consuming. A simple will is, well, simple. I would caution at this point that, while there may be a temptation to try an online “do-it-yourself” will, it is best not to go in that direction. Wills should not be cookie-cutter. Your will should be customized to you and your goals for your loved ones. Things can get tricky legally, for example, should you decide to disinherit someone. Or, in an effort not to offend, they end up using language that is unclear and open to interpretation. An experienced estate planning attorney can ensure your will reflects exactly what you want and don’t want to happen. It is empowering to know that your loved ones will be protected, along with your hard-earned assets.
If you are currently faced with a loved one who is refusing to “get their ducks in a row” with a will, try one of these tips (or all three!). Feel free to call me to schedule a consultation with you and your loved one to discuss how to begin, what is needed, and more. I’d be happy to help. Good luck!
Please call me at 513-399-7526 or visit my website, www.davidlefton.com