Having a living will is essential for everyone, regardless of marital status, age, or life stage. If you’re not sure what a living will is, basically, it is a legal document in which you provide instructions about the medical care you want to receive if you become terminally ill or permanently unconscious and unable to communicate your wishes.
Why do you need one? If you have loved ones, you’ll want to ensure that you have a living will, so that if something happens to you, they will know your wishes and be able to carry them out. They won’t have to try to guess what you would have wanted. So it’s about your care and about not burdening your loved ones with decisions they shouldn’t need to make.
Before I provide my list of dos and don’ts, I want to share a short but heart-wrenching story about an individual who thought she had everything all set, but in fact, did not. It all came down to communication. Her first mistake was having a living will that wasn’t very detailed and, unfortunately, didn’t spell some things out. Secondly, apparently, she never discussed it with her son. Hence, he knew nothing about the living will until her medical team started talking about hospice.
The very sad part of this story is not just about her death, but about the fact that her son was confused about the term “artificial life” support. He thought that meant having her on a ventilator; which she was not. She was, however, on a feeding tube. Her living will indicated she didn’t want “artificial life support” if she was deemed terminal (which she was). The misunderstanding was that the medical team advised removing the feeding tube, but the son refused to do so. He even said, “I will be killing my mother”. Can you imagine having that guilt the rest of your life? It took several conversations over several days with the healthcare providers, social workers, clergy, and friends to assure this son that, in fact, a feeding tube is artificial life support. Further, the removal was not going to be the cause of his mom’s death. During those days of indecision, that son spent countless hours torn between what he thought his mom wanted and what the care team advised. Had the living will been more specific and had he had the conversation with his mom before she became ill about her wishes, all of that could have been avoided. This sad story speaks to the importance of having legal documents that are clear and not open to interpretation, and having “difficult conversations” about end-of-life decisions in advance with loved ones.
Here are just a few do’s and don’ts about a living will you should know.
DO
- Be specific ( I think we covered that in the above)
- Name a backup decision-maker so if your first healthcare agent can’t serve you, you’ll have an alternate.
- Discuss with your doctor so you fully understand what you’re signing (and can explain it to your healthcare agent).
- Have that “difficult conversation” with your loved one or healthcare agent so you are sure they understand your wishes AND they will abide by them.
- Update it if and when needed and make sure your medical providers have it on file.
DON’T
- Rely on a verbal-only conversation about your wishes. If things are not written down, they may not be legally acceptable
- Store it in a safe deposit box; it needs to be accessible quickly
- Wait until it’s too late. A living will must be made while you’re still mentally capable of making decisions.
A living will can be a stand-alone legal document or part of your estate plan. When included in your estate plan, you can make sure all your documents are in sync with one another and all clear without being open to interpretation. By including it in your estate plan, you can rest assured you have done everything you can to protect your hard-earned assets and your loved ones. Is it time for you to put your affairs in order to show your heirs how much you care and give yourself tremendous peace of mind? If so, I’d be happy to help you. Just call me at 513-399-7526 or visit my website at www.davidlefton.com.